I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
