eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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