you turned your livingroom into a bong?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize