so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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