please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
