she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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