Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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