i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
