Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
