Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
