We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize