they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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