The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
