her vagine was all disorganized.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
