since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
