i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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