Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
