i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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