wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
