A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
