Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
