I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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