we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
