I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
