She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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