I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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