If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize