Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
