I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
