I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
