i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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