I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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