Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
