listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
