'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
