Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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