i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize