did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
