Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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