foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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