I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
God, I missed his penis.
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