I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
