Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
