I'm laying in your front yard are you home
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
