Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
