you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize