In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
