Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
