Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
