You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize