I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
