someone threw a dead crab at me
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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