god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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