I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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