Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
