Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
