I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
