Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
