There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
