operation harelip BJ is a go
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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