Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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