Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
