You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
