Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
