Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
