drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
