I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize