Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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